Recently i was really disappointed by a situation. I had all my eggs in this basket and was really excited in every way.
And it didnt quite work out as i had planned. It was a new experience. I have felt disappointment in many areas of life in the past. But i had never in this particular situation. The details are not relevant. What was important was that because it was new, and because i am so much more awake so much more of the time, it was a perfect opportunity to look at all the stress and sadness that followed. I learnt a HUGE lesson about myself, i had never really noticed before.
WHEN I AM DISAPPOINTED IN A SITUATION I TURN IT ON MYSELF. As if it was me that caused it.
This was a big one to get. I started to see that pattern in every area of my life where i felt disappointed.
Going way back to my dad leaving when i was 5. I remember always wondering what i did wrong to make him leave?
It sucks. So every relationship that didnt work out, I blammed myself. Then beat myself up for a very long time. If 1 person didnt like my class or i taught a class or workshop and it didnt go to plan, i blammed myself. Every single situation!
So not only was i saddened by the disappointment, but then i would kick myself when i was down!
It has taken me a long time to see this pattern about myself. Now i can hold disappointment in the box that it belongs. Simply disapointment. Nothing more nothing less. Things dont always work out how we want them to. And it may still take time to grieve the disappointment, this is healthy to do. I now know how to pick myself up, as i would anyone that was down. And treat myself with kindness and love and nurture.
Even though its taken a while to get it, im glad i finally did! Its very liberating . It means that i treat myself the way i would treat my best friend or one of my students in the exact same situation. With Kindness. With understanding. My words and my actions towards myself are kinder
And guess what?
It takes less than half the time to get over it.
And instead of wasting time wondering what was wrong with me or what i had done wrong, I learnt from the situation. I healed. And im so ready to be creative and figure out new ways to start again.
Disappointments can be some of the greatest opportunities to learn about yourself