I just read a letter my friend Elena Brower wrote called an Open letter to 2015,besides the fact that it is a most beautiful love letter to 2015, it has struck a chord with me and stayed with me.
Usually this time of year I spend some time reflecting on the year gone and the year to come and what my intentions are for next year……….
And it’s funny how grateful I have actually been for the year that has past. It has been a truly wonderful year in every way but not one that was intended at the end of last year!
A few things I had intended on and made happen which has made such incredible differences in my life.
Simply making more space and getting help, were 2 things I had put on my intention list and I did it and it opened up a whole new world for me. But the main part of this year has been that it has been ‘drama free’. For some of us that were raised in a high drama frequency, my childhood consisted of it daily. There was fighting and there were tears and it was pendulum of emotions. It was rarely calm or nurturing or kind.
So as I grew up, whenever the drama was missing, I’d seek it out wherever I could because it felt so familiar.
But this year, that we are in our last day of, has been free of drama! Horah! Most of the 365 days has been pretty joyful and content. And that is what I have strived for in my life. The intention that is made every year, to feel Joy and Content with my life as it is and not how I wished it to be. Things have happened, don’t get me wrong, but nothing that was unmanageable and nothing that I turned into a drama.
I learned a lot about looking after myself, and how that affects the way I look after others and how I am in the world.
I learnt to say no when I needed to (not as well as I would have loved but that’s to work on next year!)
I learnt to like myself, and feel proud of all that I have achieved instead of always comparing to other people and feeling inadequate and hiding, basically like a fraud! It is a good feeling to acknowledge that I’m pretty good at what I do and it moves people.
I’m still learning to soften my edges and pry myself open, rather than be defensive and harden my shell.
And my greatest accomplishment for the past year was keeping a consistent meditation practice daily that feels like if I don’t do it, it’s a bit like going out without brushing my teeth. Hugely liberating and space giving and just all round, hands down best thing I have done for myself. Every day for 5 or 10 or 20 minutes, it doesn’t matter. Simply sitting and focusing on my breath and noticing everything that is going on within me without getting caught up in it all (the drama☺). Returning to the breath over and over and over. Liberating and spacious and loving are the words to describe the benefits of my meditation practice.
I just finished reading a wonderful book called The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer and it really opened some closed doors in my mind and in my heart. Learning that as much as I want to help people, by asking for help it gives them an opportunity to help and me an opportunity to soften and receive.
So my intention for the year to come is to be able to ask for help without feeling ashamed and to accept help people offer without having a whole internal dialogue about why I shouldn’t. To soften and to receive and remember that it is an exchange to give and to receive and it’s a beautiful thing for both who participate.
I’m excited about it and I am so grateful for the year that has past, and all it has taught me. It has literally been life changing . You would not notice on the outside but I can feel the shifts and changes that have happened and it feels good.
Thank you all for reading my blogs and supporting all that I do, and making me happy to get up and do what I do.
Wishing you all a drama free, joyful and contented year to come!